Let’s Learn to Love Nagging
— Mid-40s, Checking My Heart’s Hearing Again
1. When the ears close, the heart follows
We stay connected to the world through hearing.
We listen, respond, and adjust the way we speak by hearing our own voice.
People who lose their hearing later in life often struggle with pronunciation — simply because their self-feedback disappears.
It’s more than a biological fact — it’s a life metaphor.
When we lose the “hearing of the heart,” we lose connection to the world.
The moment we stop listening to criticism, advice, or even nagging,
we lose the ability to self-correct.
And slowly, we fall into the illusion of
“I’m always right,”
drifting away from reality.
2. Maturity has nothing to do with age
As teens — parents nag.
In our 20s — teachers nag.
Early in our career — bosses nag.
That’s how we learned to adjust, reflect, and grow.
But at some point we think:
“I’m an adult now. I don’t need your advice.”
Behind that pride often hides fear — a fear of receiving feedback.
Psychologist Carol Dweck calls this a Fixed Mindset:
the belief that growth is over.
True adulthood isn’t measured in age,
but in the willingness to keep learning.
| @ Carol Dweck TED Talk https://www.ted.com/talks/carol_dweck_the_power_of_believing_that_you_can_improve |
3. Nagging is uncomfortable — because it’s a mirror
Nagging is never pleasant.
Deep inside, a voice screams,
“I know! Stop saying it!”
But maybe it stings
because it’s true.
Psychology calls it Cognitive Dissonance —
the discomfort when who I think I am conflicts with how others see me.
If we reject that discomfort, we reject change.
But if we sit with it for just a moment,
there’s always a hint — a clue — for growth.
| @ Cognitive Dissonance https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance |
Nagging is a growth signal wrapped in discomfort.
Closed minds ignore it.
Open minds transform it.
4. The wisdom of filtering, not blocking
Not all nagging is right or kind.
Some words hurt.
Some are just emotional dumping.
So the goal isn’t to shut our ears —
but to filter wisely.
Daniel Kahneman explains that we process information using
System 1 (emotional, quick reaction)
and System 2 (logical, thoughtful judgment).
System 1 reacts instantly:
“Why are you nagging again? What did I do wrong?”
But activate System 2 —
and suddenly we see the intention and meaning behind the words.
Daniel Kahneman – Two-system processing
If it’s said out of love → use it to grow.
If it’s meaningless → let it slide.
Keep ears open — but install a heart-filter.
5. How not to become stubborn
Here I am in my mid-40s.
A father at home.
A leader at work.
More nods, fewer challenges.
That’s a warning sign.
A team without feedback gets stuck.
A person without feedback becomes stubborn.
I’m entering the age where nagging directed at me gets rare.
So I try to keep close those who still dare to nag.
In my wife’s complaints,
my kids’ corrections,
and my junior colleagues’ disagreements —
there is wisdom.
Respectable elders aren’t the oldest —
but those who keep learning.
6. Training the heart’s hearing
Every night, I ask myself:
“What nagging did I hear today?”
“What truth or love was hidden in it?”
It’s not just reflection.
It’s heart-hearing training.
Untrained ears become dull.
Untrained hearts stop listening.
And then we speak only in our own language —
the first step toward becoming… that stubborn old person.
I refuse to be that person.
As a father, husband, and member of society —
I want to remain a growing adult.
7. Nagging, to myself
This isn’t a lecture to others.
It’s a reminder to me.
Keep my heart’s ears open.
See discomfort as a growth signal.
And whenever I nag someone —
let it be out of love, not frustration.
Let’s learn to love nagging.
Because in the end,
it might just be the warmest and most realistic path
to becoming a better version of ourselves.
